Why We Need To Teach

I read this comment somewhere recently, without realizing that quite soon I would be writing it myself: "We teach what we most need to learn".

The truth of this hit home to me today while working on my current book. I am writing a book about study skills and how to approach studying, aimed at those who are struggling at school or just don't like to study. Since my current life doesn't resemble that in any way, one would think I wouldn't have anything to learn on this topic. That turns out not to be the case however.

A few days ago when I was working on the chapter on procrastination, I realized that ironically I was procrastinating on working on it, and on a few other things I was supposed to be doing, and that the advice I was writing about could benefit me. I shrugged it off as a funny coincidence. The same thing happened days later when working on the chapter on managing distractions. I again dismissed it, because after all, we all have way too many distractions nowadays, so it was hardly noteworthy.

The particular section that I was editing this morning was different. I had already been distracted today, because my work isn't going well, I'm frustrated about how slow it feels that I am moving while everyone else around me is hurtling forward and achieving obvious success. Then a few lines that I had written a while ago popped out at me - words about not worrying what others were doing, and to simply focus on your own work, and trust that you would get where you needed to. They were meant for students struggling at schoolwork, but they seemed to be advice that was tailor-made for how I was feeling today.

And that's where I realized - nothing in life is really a coincidence. I kept asking myself why I was compelled to write a book about study skills when I was no longer a student, hadn't been a student for a long time, and when I had a whole queue of books that would 'make more sense' for me to write. Now I am beginning to understand. While writing this book I have learnt a lot - about tackling projects, about the mistakes I made in my youth (feels so long ago), about facing up to something you're struggling to get a handle on. I truly did need to teach myself a lot in order to find something to teach others about as well. Now I'm looking forward to what my next book will teach me, and the lessons I can in turn pass on.

My current book Anyone Can Get As: How To Beat Procrastination, Reduce Stress and Improve Your Grades is available on Amazon.

Beating Ourselves With The Stick of Social Media

I recently read this New York Times article on suicide clusters in Ivy League schools, and felt frustrated, angry and helpless all at the same time. The article illustrates how smart, talented, high-achieving young people are feeling too much pressure to live up to the expectations they and others set for them, and failing to cope, they choose to take their own lives. It’s unbelievably tragic, and yet, I wonder, to what extent is it unavoidable?

I remember feeling amazed in law school how some of my classmates came to class not only perfectly attired and made-up, but with a completely different hairstyle every day. I felt woefully inadequate in comparison, barely having made it to my 9 am class, wearing whatever least resembled sweats and wasn’t overly wrinkled. I wondered at the perfect binders with color-coordinated notes, and their poised discussion of the best Magic Circle firm to intern at. Before the ubiquity of Facebook and smartphones, I could choose to tune off, and thus, not confront, my own inadequate grasp of both the topic of the seminar and my future career prospects.

Unsurprisingly, it’s harder to avoid my inadequacies now. I can’t turn on Facebook without being constantly reminded that I’m not yet engaged, don’t have a magazine-cover-ready headshot, and that my culinary capabilities aren’t up to scratch. I don’t have exciting enough adventures, or win incredible honors or set up successful businesses. Compared to everyone I went to school or college, I am apparently distinctly average. And I’m ashamed to admit, this fact keeps me up at night.

I wonder how it is possible to accomplish so little and yet feel so stressed out. How do those other people do it? I wonder whether I wasted my years at school and college, which at the time seemed like a battlefield, but in hindsight resembles an extended spa vacation. Could I have created a successful business while juggling classes? Or learnt a language? Or written half a dozen novels? Why didn’t I do more dammit!

I don’t intend to trivialize the mental pressures and agonies that these students go through — those who are struggling under the weight of keeping up appearances whilst silently questioning themselves why they aren’t able to do more, and do it effortlessly. While Stanford may call it “Duck Syndrome”, I call it “Adam’s curse”, after the W.B. Yeats’ poem of the same name. Yeats put it succinctly when he said:

A line will take us hours maybe;
Yet if it does not seem a moment’s thought,
Our stitching and unstitching has been naught.

The need to make something look effortless apparently affects us all, even the greatest among us, and yet it is precisely what can cause our undoing.

One of my new favorite books is Kevin Ashton’s How To Fly A Horse, and in it he debunks the myth that the greatest acts of creativity are born of genius, a persistent myth in today’s culture that hallows the appearance of dashing off with ease that which was born of much labor. As Yeats said, if it doesn’t seem easy, then what’s the point? The point is that we are doing ourselves and society a great disservice. By hiding the real effort and sacrifices behind our achievements, we may temporarily make ourselves look good, but we are permanently crafting a message that says, “Everything is easy for me”, which means that it must continue to be so. And we are putting that pressure on those around us as well.

How do we turn off the relentless mental comparisons? Perhaps by acknowledging as a society that there aren’t a finite number of paths to success just as there isn’t one universal definition of what ‘success’ means. Maybe we can reduce this relentless pressure if more of us were willing to show the prototypes and the mis-steps and the almost-theres. Artist Austin Kleon exhorts us to “show your work”. Let’s take it a step further — show your bad work. If those who look perfect from outside were more willing to show their vulnerability, and if we as a society praised progress instead of perfectionism, maybe our teenagers and young adults would face less of a pressure to put their “Penn face” on, and be more comfortable revealing their more interesting and human faces instead.

This post first appeared on Medium.

My Summer Reading

I tried to write a draft of this post a few days, writing about what I would be reading in the coming few weeks. However, my reading list has been changing so rapidly, I ended up abandoning that post. Suddenly I find myself jumping from book to book wildly, dipping in for a little and then moving on. So instead I thought I would write about the books I have already read recently, and the ones I’m currently working my way through.

I few weeks ago I completed the excellent book How To Fly A Horse by Kevin Ashton. I loved it, because it debunked the myth that some people are just more talented than others, or somehow more lucky. Innovation and creation is within the grasp of all of us, but in order to really be innovative and creative, one of the foremost prerequisites is simply good old-fashioned hard work. Unglamorous, but true.

I also recently re-read TheTalent Code­ by Daniel Coyle. I read this book a couple of years ago, and this time around I absorbed a lot more. In fact, for a while, almost all of my conversations have been peppered with – well, The Talent Code says…, ending with exhorting the person to read the book right away. My favorite bit – once you start looking at things from the point of view of acquiring skill, it’s a lens through which you can look at many more situations than the ones we would obviously think of, such as sports or artistic ability. For instance, I am looking at improving my time-management and productivity as a skill that I can practice deeply and get better at.

A fascinating book that I’m currently reading is Pulitzer Prize winner James B. Stewart’s Follow The Story, on writing non-fiction. It is slow going because I’m trying to absorb all his insights on writing (from a perspective of journalism, but invaluable nonetheless). It is excellent though, and I can’t wait to get my hands on his other books.

A completely enjoyable, just for pleasure book that I read a few days ago, bought months earlier at the airport bookshop and hoarded for just the right moment, was the newest Agatha Christie, written superbly by Sophie Hannah – The Monogram Murders. I highly recommend it to die-hard Christie fans – there were moments where I had to remind myself that it wasn’t actually written by the great Queen of Crime herself.

I’m actually reading a lot more than just the ones mentioned above – due to my restlessness, research for my current book, and just love of devouring books as fast as possible. My beloved Scribd app actually makes it so much easier to read dozens of books at once – keeping perfect track of what I was reading, till what page and on what device – allowing me to switch seamlessly and always have something to read. I have started to use the few minutes I have on my short bus ride to the gym and back to dip in and read a few pages of whatever suits my mood at that point.

What books are you reading this summer?